Our love affair with
chocolate
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/our-love-affair-with-chocolate-20140212-32gj6.html
Love is in the air
inside Unit 8 of the Powergate Business Park
near Wormwood Scrubs in north-west London.
Love in the form of chocolate powder, drifting from the top of a machine that
produces the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift: the chocolate truffle. The
environment in the Prestat factory is sanitised, but the aromas – vats of
molten chocolate, tinctures of exotic spices – are almost overpoweringly
enticing. Nick Crean, who with his half-brother Bill Keeling owns the company,
has toured the premises countless times yet the allure never fades. “Chocolate
is, in its essence, romantic,” he says.
Forget music – and
bin those oysters. Chocolate is the true food of love, a delicacy that looks,
smells and tastes delicious, contains a panoply of pleasure-inducing chemicals
that arouse the senses without impairing potency or physical co-ordination, and
which is forbidden enough to be enticing without having the Drug Squad round at
your door.
Valentine’s Day is
the ultimate expressive opportunity for the chocolatier, a day when the gifts
exchanged by lovers can be devoured with passion and ardour.
Quite right, says
Pierre Marcolini, the Belgian chocolatier who recently opened a concession in
Selfridges, featuring shiny scarlet chocolate hearts presented in mini handbags.
“I have made a declaration of love that is edible in its entirety,” says
Marcolini. “I hope it will make the recipient feel special and cherished, that
my creations will bring joy to whoever receives them…”
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Nicolas Cloiseau is
the artistic driving force behind La Maison du Chocolat, whose chic little shop
on Piccadilly is an outpost of Parisian seduction. “With my creations, I like
to think I seduce the gaze and the taste buds of those who enjoy them,” he
purrs. “The aim of each piece is to create a real moment of ‘chocolate
pleasure’, provoking a voracious appetite that translates suppressed,
compulsive desires into ‘la gourmandise’.”
Exotic foreigners,
coming over here with their shiny chocolates to lure the innocent English into
depravity – but we hardly need their help.
Amelia Rope, the
British chocolatier whose Valentine’s collection is on sale at The Conran Shop,
is clear about the feelings she wants to evoke: “Decadence, a hint of
naughtiness, a smattering of luxury and reward… a taste which ends with balance
and satisfaction.” Fellow London
chocolatier Paul A Young has adventurous customers in mind. “If you buy the
creative and unusual you are up for something new and daring,” Young says.
“This can inspire your love life.”
So the mood of
romance is established. But what is it about chocolate that identifies it so
powerfully with desire? Adam Geileskey, the head of chocolate development at
the smart Hotel Chocolat chain, is well placed to identify the ingredients.
“There are naturally
occurring chemicals in chocolate that are good for you. The darker the
chocolate, the higher it will be in substances associated with physical and
emotional well-being,” Geileskey says. Theobromine is one such substance, found
in larger quantities in chocolate than any other food – it’s a gentle
stimulant, that as well as increasing blood flow also increases serotonin, the
neurotransmitter associated with feelings of love and sexual pleasure. “I’ve
heard it described as ‘a naturally occurring love drug’ and ‘a sexual
sweetener’,” says Geileskey.
Another good thing is
phenylethylamine, which stimulates the body to release endorphins (feel-good
neurotransmitters), and also increases the activity of dopamine, the body’s
reward chemical, combining to produce the kind of feeling that you get when you
are in love. And the latest happy-making component to be traced in chocolate is
anandamide, a cannabinoid whose name is derived – with good reason – from the
Sanskrit for “bliss”.
One other easily
proven scientific fact adds to chocolate’s appeal, particularly in a cold
climate. Cocoa butter, naturally present in the pod and combined with ground
cocoa nibs – and very little else – to produce good chocolate, melts at the
internal temperature of the human body. Many foods are described as
“melt-in-the-mouth”, but in the case of good chocolate it is literally true. It
is not true, though, in the case of chocolate that is adulterated to make it
cheaper, or sweeter, or suitable for a hot climate – or all three. Never pursue
romance with cheap chocolate.
So fine chocolate
looks good, smells good, tastes good, feels good in the mouth, and contains
things which make you feel good.
That in itself should
be enough to establish it as a desirable food. But a further, perhaps more
powerful, aspect of chocolate’s appeal is psychological. Debra Zellner,
Professor of psychology at Montclair State University in New Jersey, USA, has
been leading research for many years into food cravings and the factors that
influence how much we like particular foods.
Prof Zellner has
concluded that the feel-good chemicals in chocolate are not in fact present in
sufficient quantities to account for the pleasure we get from consuming it.
Instead, she believes chocolate is desirable because it is nutritionally taboo,
and consumption is pleasurably transgressive, or in less academic terms,
naughty but nice, and nice because naughty.
That feeds back into
the ways in which chocolate is presented for consumption, in styles which
become more straightforwardly sexual at Valentine’s Day. Geileskey notes that
the colours used in packaging and decoration for Valentine’s chocolates feature
red and pink prominently. “There is something primal about those colours,” he
says.
Rope, a former
perfumer whose chocolate bars are wrapped in delicate shades of shiny foil, and
who has been known to further adorn them with spangly hearts on little knotted
lengths of ribbon, says she likes to think of customers unwrapping her
creations as “a kind of unravelling experience as they open them, to capture
the senses of vision, taste and aroma”.
Notting Hill’s
Artisan du Chocolat is even more straightforward, dressing its top-priced
Valentine’s collection in a scarlet-ribboned corset: you don’t just unwrap
these treats, you undress them.
Psychology also
applies to the context in which chocolate is given. Nick Crean says when you
give chocolate you are also giving comfort, and a fast track to warm childhood
memories. Rope agrees, and cites a Prestat truffle as her formative chocolate
experience. Geileskey, who will hand-make chocolates in the Hotel Chocolat lab
to take home to his wife on Valentine’s Day, is looking forward to the romantic
moment of handing them over.
“There is something
very nice about creating something beautiful and then giving it to someone
special,” he says. “Unravelling the layers of lovely wrapping to reveal these
small, jewel-like objects, and when they are in the mouth, there is a sharp
crack of the outer layer and these fabulous flavours flood out. It’s like a
game of pass the parcel, with only one winner.”
How much sex is
normal?
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/how-much-sex-is-normal-20140204-31y41.html
Two of the most
common questions I am asked by my clients are "How much sex is
normal?" and "What is the average amount of sex that other couples
are having?". These sound like simple questions, but there are no right
answers.
After all, a couple's
sex life is affected by so many different factors: age, lifestyle, each
partner's health and sex drive, and most importantly the quality of their
relationship. I encourage them to decide what amount is right for them because
there's no such thing as "normal".
This issue often
comes up when the couple has what is called mismatched libidos. If she likes to
have sex four times a week and he only once or twice, they want to find out who
is the abnormal one. It is actually quite common for a couple to have different
levels of desire and it does not generally reflect a lack of love. Can we
really expect to meet somebody who satisfies all the requirements we want in a
relationship and who also has exactly the same sex drive?
In the case of
mismatched libidos, unfortunately the partner who wants sex more frequently
will usually feel rejected and unwanted. Always having to make the first move
can be demoralising. However, the partner who wants sex less frequently can
often feel pressured and inadequate. This can result in a vicious circle where
they often start avoiding sex all together. It sounds unsexy but I advise my
clients to schedule sex so the low-libido partner doesn't feel pressured and
the higher-libido partner doesn't feel rejected.
A Kinsey Institute
research paper based on psychological studies and surveys concluded that 18 to
29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times a year, 30 to 39 year olds an
average of 86 times and 40 to 49 olds an average of 69 times a year. Still,
averages mean there are some people above and some people below any given
number, and they don't help decide the question of what is right for an
individual. I also believe that people who answer sex surveys like to
overestimate their performances, to feel better about themselves!
In my experience
there are happy couples who have sex every day, have sex once a week or once a
month. It's not a matter of quantity but quality. More important than the
frequency of sex is how satisfied couples are with their sex lives. Less sex
doesn't automatically equate to less love, happiness and fulfilment, especially
for couples who have been together for a long time. For them companionship,
trust and mutual reliability are often more important than lots of steamy sex.
Another problem of
estimating sexual frequency is that people often only consider sexual
intercourse as having sex. Many other activities can be considered sex, such as
oral sex, genital touching, mutual masturbation or just affectionate behaviour
such as kissing, cuddling, caressing and holding hands. All these activities
are also associated with higher sexual satisfaction for both men and women.
Does frequent sex
make us happier? Associate professor Tim Wadsworth of the University of
Colorado Boulder published a paper in February last year titled "Sex and
the Pursuit of Happiness: How Other People's Sex Lives are Related to our Sense
of Well-Being". He found that people reported steadily higher levels of
happiness as they reported steadily higher sexual frequency. But people who
believed they were having less sex than their peers were unhappier than those
who believed they were having as much or more. He concluded: "Having more
sex makes up happy, but thinking that we are having more sex than other people
makes us even happier."
Most sex therapists
agree that couples having sex less than 10 times a year could be labelled a
"sexless" relationship. A lack of sex doesn't always mean the
relationship is in trouble, as long as both partners are satisfied with the
frequency. But in my experience, when couples stop having sex their
relationship can be overtaken by feelings of anger, disappointment and
detachment which can lead to infidelity or divorce.
Lovemaking is a
sensitive area to discuss as there is a fear of hurting each other's feelings,
but I believe having sex is important: it's like glue that keeps us together.
If your relationship is in trouble, getting help when you are struggling is
extremely important.