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Datum objave: 07.09.2019

The Real Reason Men Always Fall Asleep After Sex

Orgasm and energy play a role

The Real Reason Men Always Fall Asleep After Sex

If your partner starts sawing logs right after your most intimate moments together, don’t take it as an insult. Men fall asleep after sex for several reasons, none of which are related to your relationship, personality, or performance in bed. In fact, there are 13 other sex problems that you should take more seriously.

Orgasm and energy play a role

“A man’s body chemistry changes after orgasm,” says David McKenzie, a sex therapist in Vancouver. “The biochemical prolactin is released, physically altering his body and making him very tired.”

In contrast, women may not orgasm every time they have sex. So, after rocking your lover’s world, you may still be semi-aroused and have the energy to talk about love and life while he’s drifting off to dreamland.

Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, M.D., authors of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?, offer an additional biological explanation: “It is thought that exertion during sex and after climax depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen. This leaves men feeling sleepy. Since men have more muscle mass than women, men become more tired after sex.”

Leyner and Goldberg state that there is little direct evidence to explain men falling asleep, though, after orgasm, the chemicals oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid (GABA) and endorphins all contribute to that “roll over and snore” feeling. These chemicals and endorphins are part of what happens to your brain when you have sex.

There are some changes in the brain, too

Tantric sex focuses on the enlightening, spiritual aspects of sex. The merging of two bodies is a sacred act that increases awareness by channeling energy and lifting the couple to a different plane. Sex and orgasm is the pinnacle of spiritual awareness and represents the unification of male and female energy.

Leyner and Goldberg suggest that since a man’s orgasm is external, it causes the loss of that energy (through ejaculation). This loss of energy is also associated with a decrease in activation through the prefrontal cortex, research shows. The prefrontal cortex switches off post-orgasm, so men might get sleepy because this part of the brain involves consciousness, alertness, and mental activity. In contrast, a woman’s orgasm is an internal explosion of energy. Since she doesn’t experience that same outward loss of energy, she’s ready to cuddle for hours.

There’s a good chance your partner wants to cuddle or talk after sex

Laurie Betito, a Montreal psychologist specializing in sex therapy, says,”Women like to ‘process’ their experiences, hence the desire to talk after sex.” Communication tends to be easier and more natural for women. If a man isn’t a great communicator at the best of times, he’ll be even less likely to engage in a heart-to-heart when he’s flat on his back.

According to sex therapist Ian Kerner, cuddling after sex helps to reinforce intimacy, attachment, and an overall sense of connection and commitment. Studies show that the partners of people who fall asleep right after sex have a greater desire for more bonding and affection—no matter who falls asleep after sex. So, one of the 12 things sex therapists wish you knew is the importance of finding ways to bond after sex to strengthen your whole relationship.

To increase the cuddles after sex:

Initiate a lovefest before eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner (he may be less likely to fall asleep if he’s hungry). Then, bond over scrambled eggs or a candlelit meal.

Do the wild thing early in the evening, such as before his favorite TV show. Avoid having sex late at night if you are sleepy, which almost guarantees the Zzzs.

Compromise on a predetermined amount of time to cuddle after sex. If you want to talk for 30 minutes and he only wants to give you five, meet somewhere in the middle: say, 15 minutes.

Human Sexuality author and psychologist Roger R. Hock writes that “both men and women usually feel relaxed, warm, content, and sleepy” after sex. One of our sex experts offers a slightly different perspective: “Not all men fall asleep after sex. Some do enjoy cuddling or talking afterward,” says Dr. McKenzie. “Sometimes it’s the female partner who falls asleep first.”

If he does keep marching off to the land of nod every time you have sex, remember that sleepiness doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is weak or that he doesn’t love you. On the contrary, his Zzzs may actually prove happiness and satisfaction. But if you find neither of you is satisfied, try these 20 ways to improve your sex life in just one day.

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The Secret to Happiness? Concentrate on Your Relationships

"Lasting happiness comes from doing things that are internally fulfilling, meaningful and tend to be diverse," says Dr. Tayyab Rashid. Here's how you can get to that happy place and live longer.

There’s a famous Harvard study about happiness. The 80-year study—one of the longest in history—found that men who lived the longest and healthiest lives didn’t have the most money or the best genes; they were those who had the best relationships with others. In effect, those who were the healthiest and lived the longest were also the happiest. Of course, other lifestyle factors, such as smoking and alcohol consumption, played important roles as well, but the researchers concluded that satisfaction with relationships and life were good predictors of healthy aging.

How can happiness make you healthy?

Studies show that well-being is associated with multiple health factors, including healthy immune system function, cardiovascular health and a decreased risk of dying. “The overwhelming consensus in research is that happiness and positive emotions have some definite physical benefits,” says Dr. Tayyab Rashid, a clinical psychologist in Toronto. “But it’s not a chicken-and-egg quandary. The arrow is from happiness toward health, not from health toward happiness.”

So, how do you get to that happy, healthy place?

Some things might boost your mood temporarily, like a glass of wine or a mind-numbing reality show. But while it’s OK to enjoy a few guilty pleasures, that kind of joy doesn’t stick around for long. “Lasting happiness comes from doing things that are internally fulfilling, meaningful and tend to be diverse,” says Dr. Rashid. To find a true sense of purpose or meaning, you need to do things beyond yourself. From volunteering to making charitable donations, contributing both your time and money to others is shown to have health benefits. One study out of the University of British Columbia found that when people were given money but had to spend it on others, the participants were happier than those who were given cash to spend on themselves.

But, what if you’re still feeling blue?

Ask yourself, When was the last time you laughed? When was the last time you felt a deep sense of meaning? When was the last time you felt so much joy that you couldn’t describe it in words? Dr. Rashid says that going back to those moments and thinking about what elements you enjoyed can repair a bad mood and act as inspiration for the types of things that lead to self-fulfillment.

Dr. Rashid recommends looking for “islands of happiness” in your life. Sure, it might be a dark and rainy day outside, but perhaps you spot a beautiful bird outside your window or get to enjoy your favourite cup of tea. He suggests starting a daily gratitude journal—which can be done via your iPhone, such as through the app “Day One”—so that you’ll be motivated to look for those little tidbits of happiness.

What if my lack of confidence is keeping me down?

Dr. Rashid recommends finding and focusing on your strengths. “We spend far more time thinking about what’s wrong with us and with others than what is right with us and with others,” he says. “Happiness is using your strengths in an adaptive, situationally relevant way.” For example, if one of your strengths is curiosity, ask yourself how something you’re doing can benefit from that strength and try to apply it better to your life.

And remember that Harvard study on longevity? “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier,” says Robert Waldinger, director of the study, in his popular TED Talk. “The people who were most satisfied in their relationships at 50 were healthiest at 80. Good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.” (Psst: Here’s how to build a healthy relationship.)

Dedicate quality time to your family, friends and community members. Your life (and ultimately your health) depends on it.

Next, read about why we should rethink our idea of happiness.

David McKenzie

Mark Leyne r

Billy Goldberg, M.D.,

Laurie Betito

Ian Kerner

Roger R. Hock

Robert Waldinger

Dr. Tayyab Rashid

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