THE SYDNEY
MORNING HERALD
Fairfax
Archive: Looking at George Lipman
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/national/fairfax-archive-looking-at-george-lipman-20130728-2qt2u.html
Photos1440 Challenge - Winners
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/national/photos1440-challenge-winners-2013-20130618-2oha7.html
The Aboriginal Deb Ball
http://media.smh.com.au/system/ipad/the-aboriginal-deb-ball-4540594.html
Who says 'I love you' first?
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/blogs/love-and-other-flings/who-says-i-love-you-first-20130729-2qtiy.html
'I love you'... Three, simple yet life changing words that
can take us to stratospheric heights making us feel invincible, unshakable and
loved!
Romance novels, soppy chick flicks and love songs have had
us believing that women are the ones to declare that they fall in love quicker.
But today's men unlike their stoic counterparts from decades
past are breaking stereotypes and dropping the L-Bomb first.
It's official, today's men fall in love first and they do it
fast! Just 88 days, or 3 months, is the average for the words 'I love you' to
pass through their lips.
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In comparison to the ladies who take an average of 134 days,
or just over four and a half months, to draw the same conclusion.
Samantha Allen of Manly Vale in Sydney is not shocked by the revelations. The
31 year-old graphic designer admits that in every one of her five long-term
relationships, her boyfriend has always been first to drop the 'L-word'.
"My girlfriends and I have discussed this loads of
times and most of us agree that secretly, while it is us dying to say it first,
we tend to hold back in case we scare them off, so for that reason men are
generally the ones to say 'I love you' first," says Allen.
While acknowledging there are a few sneaky ones out there
who will say it to move things along and get what they want. "In my
experience, men are definitely the ones more comfortable in saying it first,
whether or not we believe them though, is a whole other story," smiles
Allen.
Alex Kouris is a 33 year-old single chef from Cremorne in Melbourne admits to using
the L-word loosely in the past. "Yeah, there have been times when I told a
girl I loved her and I did it because I knew that's what she wanted to
hear," says Alex.
Kouris believes it's just a reflection of the way men
approach most situations in life, because at the end of the day men are goal
oriented, efficient and to the point.
"We all know that when you have been seeing a woman for
a while, she is dying to hear those words and if by me saying them first, gets
things to where I want to be and makes her happy, then so be it,"
confesses Kouris.
However Kouris admits this can sometimes backfire, when it's
said too flippantly. "You have to be careful though, sometimes it can just
slip out in the heat of the moment and then you have to deal with the
consequences and that's where it can get messy," says Kouris sheepishly.
Are today's men really feeling more freedom to express
themselves emotionally or when a man says 'I love you' does it actually mean
something completely different?
Psychologist and author Dr Fredric Neuman has written a
number of books addressing the fear surrounding love and relationships,
"men can say 'I love you' when they actually mean, 'I think you're wonderful'
or 'right this minute I am so happy being with you', it's a statement that
comes off the back of a really strong positive feeling."
Dr Neuman believes, it isn't so much that men and women
practice to deceive, it is rather that they deceive themselves because if
you're feeling a certain way, at one point in time, that doesn't necessarily
mean that feeling will last.
"It is pointless spending too much time wondering and
wishing and worrying about what someone really means when speaking of
love," says Neuman.
Dr Neuman also explains that at the end of the day we can
only judge how steadfast someone is, how reliable their protestations of love
really are over time, "someone who still claims to be in love after two or
three months is more believable than someone who says it for the first
time."
"While he or she is more likely to feel the same way in
the future than someone who is saying it for the first time. Someone who
reliably does or says something, anything, over time can be reasonably expected
to continue doing that thing," says Neuman.
Neuman also believes that after a year or so, you can begin
to feel relatively comfortable that the other person means what they say, but
there are always exceptions.
"If you want to know how someone who proclaims love is
likely to feel three months from now, the reality is, you will just have to
wait those three months to find out... in general, the longer the relationship
goes on, the more reasonable it is to expect that it will continue."
Who do you think usually says 'I love you' first?
The meat lover's guide to going vegetarian
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/diet-and-fitness/blogs/chew-on-this/the-meat-lovers-guide-to-going-vegetarian-20130729-2qtv8.html
The US
might be the birthplace of the Quadruple Bypass Burger (available with 20
slices of bacon), but it's also home to the Meatless Monday movement and some
of the most passionate promoters of plant based diets. There's Michael 'eat
food; mostly plants' Pollan and former President Bill Clinton whose own bypass
(a real one, not a burger) was the nudge he needed to eat less fried chicken.
Now there's another
high profile name to add to the list:
Mark Bittman, the New York Times food writer – and meat lover - whose
new book offers a semi-vegetarian
approach for anyone who's not prepared
to forgo animal foods entirely,
but does want the health benefits of eating more vegetables and grains.
Like Bill Clinton, Bittman's decision to overhaul his diet
was prompted by bad news about his health.
Six year ago he was 15 kilos overweight, his cholesterol was going north
and his blood sugar levels were edging towards type 2 diabetes. While other doctors might have prescribed
medication, Bittman's doctor prescribed a vegan diet - all the plant food you
can eat, but no meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy.
Prophet of loss: Mark Bittman shed 15 kilograms in four
months. Photo: New York Times
Knowing that he couldn't sustain this way of eating full
time, Bittman came up with a compromise:
he'd go vegan for breakfast and lunch but include animal foods for
dinner. After a month of eating this way
he'd lost six kilos; after two months his cholesterol and blood sugar levels
had dropped to normal levels, and his sleep apnoea had disappeared. Within four months he'd lost 15 kilos.
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"I would say the whole thing was far easier than I
thought it would be," he says. "It was a game at first, and maybe
that was a good thing – 'can I do this?' Well, yes, I could and now that it's
been six years, it's obviously sustainable."
He's turned this experience into a book, Eat Vegan Before 6,
to be published here in August. Its way of eating goes something like this: for
daytime meals you eat all plants - vegetables, fruit, grains, nuts and legumes
and avoid refined carbs - but for dinner you can ease up and include meat,
dairy, eggs, or fish and refined carbs like pasta and rice.
A typical breakfast might be oats or muesli with non-dairy
milk and fruit; lunch could be some combination of legumes and vegetables like
bean soup, a lentil salad or wholegrain bread sandwich. For a snack there's
fruit or nuts. Although animal foods are okay at dinner, he encourages generous
helpings of vegetables and no pigging-out on processed food.
Bittman believes this approach gives structure but with
built-in flexibility to accommodate eating out and travel and, yes, cravings -
part of what makes VB6 sustainable, he says, is that it's flexible enough to
allow for caving in from time to time.
It also means that if you're at a friend's place for lunch
and there's meat on the menu, you just opt for plant foods at dinner instead.
"It's about doing your best to nourish yourself with
real, wholesome foods most of the time and not beating yourself up when you
don't," Bittman says.
He's a man who likes his pork and beef as much as anyone but
recognises that diets big on meat and processed food come at a cost to human
health, the environment and the welfare of animals raised in factory farm
conditions.
The solution he says is to reduce our demand for cheap meat
and highly processed food by moving away from what he calls the
'meat-as-main-mentality' and to get the habit of building meals around plants.
Will this ever become a mainstream way of eating?
Definitely, says Bittman who predicts that in 50 years time we'll be eating
very differently.
"Nothing else is sustainable," he says.
Eat Vegan Before 6 will be published in Australia by
Sphere in August, $29.95
Need some easy ideas to make more plant-based meals? There's
a new how-to guide for using legumes - An Everyday Guide to Cooking with
Legumes - now available from the Grains
& Legumes Nurition Council
Has a diet makeover ever made a difference to your health?
The rationale behind the irrational
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/the-rationale-behind-the-irrational-20130730-2qw5h.html
Phobias aren't uncommon. Most people will admit to being
irrationally afraid of something. But where do these fears come from and how
can we make sense of them?
One in five Australians will suffer from a mental health
issue in their lives. For Siobhan Curtis, 25, a PR Manager from Sydney, it took a decade
of silent suffering before she was diagnosed with social phobia.
"I'd always been shy and people around me had used that
as an excuse for my anxiety. Growing up, I'd avoid peer and group situations
because they would induce a terrible panic – I'd feel nauseous, would freeze up
and my mind would go completely blank. If someone asked me even the simplest
question, I'd feel like I didn't know the answer. If I was a piece of machinery
it felt like all the parts came to a grinding halt and the humiliation which
came from this experience created a self-feeding cycle," Curtis says.
But there is good news when it comes to recognising and
facing those fears.
"Phobias are best understood as excessive fear response
presentations which often have wider effects on their workplace, social life,
friends and family members," explains clinical psychologist Les Posen.
"Many will try to keep their behaviours invisible to
others, for various reasons like stigma and shame, preventing children from
'learning' them from mum or dad and from employers who might limit their work
or job opportunities."
When it comes to phobia treatment, talking instead of taking
pills is often effective.
"Success rates run over 85 per cent," says Dr
Posen. "The preferred method of treatment being Cognitive Behavioural
Therapy (CBT) with a strong exposure component not medication."
It worked for Curtis. By age 19, after changing university
courses for the fourth time to avoid tutorials where she may be called on to
speak, Curtis realised she had a problem and sought help. Years of CBT saw her
overcome social anxiety and she now has a successful career in communications,
something that once seemed impossible.
"It became clear it wasn't my personality traits
responsible, but a condition that I could learn to manage, " Curtis says.
Social phobias are one of the three main phobia types and
refer to an excessive fear of rejection or judgement from others in social
situations, such as meeting new people, talking in meetings, eating or drinking
while being observed, and public performances including public speaking. It's
one of the most common of the anxiety disorders, affecting around one in ten
people.
The other two phobia groups are specific and agoraphobia.
Specific phobias relate to identifiable objects or scenarios
and are probably the most recognised. While the most common specific phobias
include fear of flying (one in 12), animals and the dentist, some of the
"specific phobias" prove the most interesting. Less common examples
include phobophobia: fear of phobias; nomophobia: fear of being out of mobile
phone contact; euphobia: fear of good news and koumpounophobia: fear of
buttons.
Agoraphobia is often misunderstood as a fear of open spaces,
but it also describes a fear of any situation or environment where a person
feels unsafe.
But, how do we even develop such fears?
"Fear is a natural emotional response, a protective
mechanism we humans put in place to recognise danger which provokes a flight or
fight response. The problem is when this fear becomes illogical and excessive
and affects your functioning and quality of life," explains Dr Aileen
Alegado, a clinical psychologist specialising in anxiety disorders.
Dr Alegado splits the causes of phobias into two categories:
classical conditioning and observational. Classical conditioning is when you
experience something bad involving a thing, you associate the bad experience
with the thing and become afraid of that thing. Observational is a learnt
behaviour, for example if you see your mother panicking frantically in response
to a dog when you're a child, you're likely to be afraid of dogs too.
No matter how moderate or extreme the phobia, help is out
there. "Don't be afraid to speak up. You're not alone," says Curtis.
For access to private psychologists in your area contact the
APS Find a Psychologist Service on toll free number 1800 333 497 or visit
findapsychologist.org.au Free anxiety services are available at:
mentalhealth.asn.au .